Have you ever had that moment when you do something only to realise that it probably wasn’t well thought through. At the time and in the moment you were focused on getting something done, only to realise down the track it probably wasn’t done in the smartest way. I had one of those moments recently.
It happened with a patient that had just had six minutes of cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) and was intubated (Had a tube into their airway and a machine breathing for them) after taking an overdose, so needless to say it was in a highly stressful situation. At the time “the resus” didn’t seem like such a big deal, but on reflection not too many people do this sort of thing on a regular basis at work, and yeah it actually was very a stressful situation. The event I am talking about was minor, easily resolved and not even an issue EXCEPT that I felt like such an idiot. I knew at the time, that a bigger problem for me would be the amount of time I would spend berating myself about it and going over and over it in my mind.
I thought about it for the rest of the shift. I thought about it walking to my car, driving home, whilst I was NOT going to sleep. It was the first thing I thought about the next morning, whilst having my shower, making breakfast, etc etc, you get my point.
I cannot help it. I go over and over stuff like this in my head. And it sucks. I’m wondering if others do this? I’m wondering how to stop it, because it takes more than just telling yourself to stop it. All my logic tells me it was no big deal, could have been worse, nobody died. Then I have a crisis of confidence and I think “I shouldn’t be doing this job and I should get a job where I have no responsibility.” Deep down I know this isn’t necessary or true and that I’d be bored stupid. And that I’m actually pretty good at what I do but none of this helps at the time.